I haven’t written for some time, so I’m writing this little piece and then leaving it for awhile.
The truth is, I’ve been working very hard to shift my energy into a new direction. To navigate myself into a timeline where my future is filled with health and vitality, creative fulfillment, financial security, wisdom and longevity. Part of that work is for me to let go of identifying myself as “sick”. This energetic and physical healing is hard work. It’s what occupies most of my time right now. I simply do not wish to dwell on the negative moments of this experience any longer. It’s true that three to four days out of every fourteen, I am thoroughly exhausted and unwell from my medicine. Each little normal ache or pain often shoots pangs of doubt and fear through my consciousness and I must work extra hard to replace those emotions with a clear and positive vision of my own future. But I do believe I am making the best choices I can for my physical and energetic health. I am receiving both conventional and unconventional medicines. I have a daily spiritual practice of meditation and practice yoga whenever my body is up to the task. I supplement my healing with self-care, massage, chiropractic work, women’s circles, and counseling. And I work diligently to nourish my body with the best organic gifts mother nature has to offer. That amounts to two to four specialist appointments each week and a constant foraging at local shops for as much healthy, organic food as I can afford. I say all this to let you know that I’m in very good hands – my own (with the able assistance of Nurse Doug, of course). And I’m doing great.
I believe that the experience of life as we know it on this planet is our “heaven”. But it can be hell, if you choose to view your experiences in that context. No matter what happens to us, we have a choice as to how we respond. And yes, not every experience in our lives is rosy. But we can choose to either find a way to integrate the lessons from those experiences and grow stronger, or be victimized by those less than charmed experiences. That is how I see my life in this realm. And I am making a very conscious choice NOT to be victimized by any of these adverse life events.
I am spiritual, but not a follower of organized religion. I believe we are all energetically connected; brothers and sisters who all deserve respect and equality. I believe in the healing power of our mother earth. Her canopies of trees are my cathedrals; her rivers and oceans my holy water. I breathe in the richness of the oxygen generously produced by her plants and trees and lift my face in joy towards our life-giving sun. Every being, every object, every place on this earth was made from the same bits of stardust that created our universe. We are all parts of a larger whole. We all yearn for love and fulfillment; for safety and harmony.
So, I go out into the world, straighten my spine, lift my chin and smile. At everyone. Whether I’m just walking down the street or interacting with others through the course of daily tasks, I smile and I say hello to everyone. Just to let them know that I see them and I value them. I don’t have to know them personally to appreciate their value as fellow beings on this earth. It’s a small gesture, but I believe it has a deep and lasting impact. And I’ve found that most people respond in kind. Because we are all seeking connection. Whether we are conscious of it or not. The fact that the past few years has made us so physically DIS-connected just makes this work to reconnect even more important.
I’m looking earnestly toward the future, trying to determine which aspects of my creative self bring me the deepest joy and fulfillment and I am seeking to release those aspects which have become hollow, brittle and stale. That may mean retiring from some of the work which has defined me publicly for so long, but it’s necessary to prune and weed your garden from time to time so that it can thrive and flourish.
I do tend to live a bit of a reclusive life at times now that we live in the suburbs, working from home or staying in when my immunity is compromised from my medicine. But I still strive to get out and take a walk in our little community or in the parks and trails almost every day and smile at passers-by. Seeing someone else’s face light up because they feel valued is energizing! Try it! It’s the one simple action we can all take to make this world a more beautiful and harmonious “heaven on earth”.
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